Win the Argument: Let The Insults Roll Off Your Back
- TaCora Divine
- Aug 13, 2018
- 5 min read
If I can do it
(as the Queen of Petty)
then you can, too.
I did it. I finally learned the trick to forgive not after the drama happens, but while it’s happening. Where is my badge? I really feel like I deserve one.
Just a few minutes before writing this, every insult in the book was being hurled at me. Due to conservative Christian belief, fighting back and forth with an elder was not an option. And also (may I add) not necessary. As loaded word after word was spoken, I kept quiet and calm. I almost smiled. Not to be passive aggressive, but because I was proud of my accomplishment. I have reached ultimate level of not caring what others think or say. Immediately afterwards, I reached for my laptop to type this as fast as I can before I had forgotten. Here are all four steps that sums up how to win the argument.
KNOW YOUR OPPONENT
If the person you are fighting with is not a stranger, it cuts deep. It is harder to let it go when it is someone who throws your weakness in your face. Whether it is a family member or a best friend, knowing your opponent’s weakness can be used to your advantage, too. I do NOT mean throw their failures back at them.
It will feel good (oh, so good) to make them hurt like they hurt you. It only feels better in the beginning. Once you open your mouth to fight back, the battle is on and does not end.
It starts off when you bring up the dumb thing they did last week. Then you tell them how it ridiculous it is when they do that thing they always do. You know that thing. [*insert annoying trait here.] Then you go your separate ways and you ponder on all the things you could have said. You remember what they did two months ago and wish you would have brought it up in the heat of the fight.
You now have three choices:
1. get back in their face for round two,
2. call someone to rant to,
3. or let it go (which you know you will not do).
Unless you chose the third choice, you will be stuck in this arguing cycle for weeks. It’s not healthy.
Know your opponent’s weakness so you have more compassion for them. Hear me out. Before you think that you are too much of a hot head to keep silent, know that I was the queen of petty. If I can do it, you can too.
As this person was yelling, I knew that she has insecurities about what people think of her. I began to feel sorry for her after every word she spoke. There was no need to fight back. What she wanted was a fight. She needed was self-love.
"Insults have no authority over my life-unless I give it the power."
KNOW YOUR OPPONENT’S TACTICS
Shouting, “Everyone agrees with me!” is a form of manipulation.
Saying, “You always do this!” is exaggeration.
Screaming, “You are such a *insert overused insult*” is weak and you’re above that.
When the objective of your opponent’s argument is to hurt you, they begin to use every tool they can think of. My opponent often likes to tell me that my family is not too fond of me. I laugh at this. Sure, we have my ups and downs, like a typical family, but this insult is not anywhere close to the truth.
Hearing this used to hurt me so badly. I would spend several depressing days believing that my family would be better off without me. I had to examine the facts. My family lights up when I walk in the room. They worry about me when I am gone. Insults have no authority over my life-unless I give it the power. Fight pain back with truth.
I sat there, watching my opponent get rowed up. They were angry that my expression had not changed. They could not hurt me.
"Do not give others the power to
tell you who you are."
KNOW YOURSELF
If you knew that someone was lying to you, would you listen to a word they said? Apparently, I have awful people skills. I am rude to adults. Elders in my family think I am a menace. All because I am full of attitude and my tone shows that I am an ungrateful, spoiled brat. Umm . . . who are we talking about again?
I am the girl that spends four days a week volunteering. I spend seven days a week building an empire based off inspiring people to love themselves. Everywhere I go I am loved, liked, and appreciated.
All of those insults at the beginning of this section was thrown at me. Not one of them is true. She attempted to manipulate my feelings by falsifying reality. Do not give others the power to tell you who you are.
Do I have flaws? Well, duh. I just said that I was the queen of pettiness a few paragraphs ago. Although I continue to improve, I refuse to exaggerate my flaws. Their insults do not come close to my greatness. I could feel each insult go through one ear, out the other, brushed off my shoulder, and down my back. It was completely liberating.
KNOW YOUR WORTH
I close with hoping that you know the difference between a silly dispute and a toxic relationship. If you can break ties with someone verbally abusing you, I beg you to do it. Why put yourself through turmoil that you do not need? You were created for something better.
Please stand up for yourself in the healthiest way possible. The last thing I want is for you to read this believing that I am advising you to let people run over you. This article is full of tactics to use to forgive those who are worthy to be in your life. Good people make mistakes and say hurtful things from time-to-time. If this person is truly good, take some of their words into consideration.
Is it possible that they are only frustrated because you need to better yourself? Take the meat and leave the bones from this argument. Strengthen yourself. You can turn a beautiful relationship into an awful one if you spend too much time festering on the downs. Forgive others. Not for their peace of mind, but for yours.
You are worthy. Too worthy to let people get the best of you.
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